Here is a summary of activity over the last few months. It’s been ages since I wrote anything.
1. I am still trying to become a better Christian. Church this morning was really positive but I have had a rubbish day since. Ignoring God cos church was too hard and I’m lazy.
2. Please sign the petition to bring back Fantasy Football League for the 2010 World Cup! http://www.petitiononline.com/ff2010/
3. I just finished classes for my Masters, and now have to study Polish like there’s no tomorrow, write an essay, and write my dissertation. All will be finished in September.
4. Going to do a couple of weeks’ work at ASDA on Tuesday.
5. Have been working at Sports Direct in Glasgow.
6. Still obsessed with ultras (writing my dissertation on football firms). www.ultras-tifo.net is my current site of choice for looking at fiery things and getting all excited.
I should start writing this again. I probably have more to say than ever before.
Church yesterday was unsettling in the extreme. On Friday I’d been to see the lady vicar, who gently told me that I needed to redevelop my idea of God as that of a loving God who isn’t so demanding as I think. However on Sunday, I’m in church and I start feeling like… I’ve got to pray like this, I’ve got to make sure it’s been answered, I mustn’t assume, I mustn’t relax…
And I can’t shake this off. I think I need to accept that I’m confused and that warm words, which I want to believe so much, won’t become real to me at the moment.
It has messed with my plans, though. I had a bad experience on Sunday afternoon. You know my last post? I posted it onto a football ultras website, expecting some negative feedback - after all, I need people to tell me if my ideas are stupid. However, I got the kind of negative feedback that made me feel like those who had read my post would never respect me again. This made me brood - I was annoyed with myself, had once again forgotten that I’m unique and that normal people think my ideas are wrong, had spent too much time on my own daydreaming, and too much time with other students and friends who think I’m great and so have become “yes men”, with the best of intentions.
I made a decision: I was going to get involved with redACTION, the Arsenal fans’ group which aims to increase atmosphere inside the stadium, and try and add my ultraness to the mix. I was aware that instead of trying to change things at Arsenal I’ve moved on a bit, and that if everyone did that we’d just all go to Dinamo Zagreb games once a year and nothing would ever change in the UK.
After church, as I got on the bus feeling a bit better, I had the strongest feeling that a) God didn’t want me to do that and b) God didn’t want me to pray about it, question, or argue at all. This put me off talking to God.
My friend Rachel would say this was therefore not God speaking, because it is discouraging. But the feelings are so strong at the moment that I can’t ignore them. This morning I asked God for permission to explore the redACTION thing, and to physically stop me if I wasn’t allowed. I then felt bad about it on the bus. I always feel spiritually terrible on First buses, perhaps because I know I waste time on them - I could be reading the Bible or praying, and rarely if ever do. Or maybe it was because I felt a little of the feelings I’d had on the 66 last night and felt guilty for ignoring what could have been God’s voice.
So I will see if I get any feedback on this post, and go from there. If you think you have some advice for me, please speak.
I just found this thanks to the Famous Three Kings’ newsfeed on Facebook. I personally think the police force as a whole should be prosecuted, if anybody, as a lot of individuals were put under pressure to lie.
I’ve been having an interesting week spiritually. I didn’t go to church, but went for a walk and prayed instead, and so far this week have managed to pray every day except Tuesday. I think I am more spiritual than I think I am, but don’t really want to be. I don’t want to feel what God wants of me: I just want to be told. Except that I don’t really, I just want to do what I want. I’m sure Paul rants about this (in Romans?) and concludes that God is to be praised, because He saves us despite this mess. What do other people think? Any similar or different ideas? I also feel that I should become more a part of my church community - I do feel like an outsider, and feel as if I have created that situation because I like feeling different, but now I need people to pray with, and to straighten me out when I go wrong. I find prayer alone very difficult, but when I pray in company, people find me very difficult, as I get overemotional. Is there a solution to this? I know that God is always here when we pray. Maybe I just need to love Him more and want Him to talk to me more, rather than shoving Him aside and talking to myself/a brick wall instead.
I’m going to try and do good things for people as an expression of Christianity rather than getting so caught up in the fact that I don’t want to pray that I don’t do anything. This especially applies to finding a relevant career. I just get so caught up in the having to repent aspect of prayer. Saying sorry to God hurts me to the core and I just don’t want to do it. Usually I don’t really think I’ve done anything wrong anyway. Do you have to “feel” repentance for it to count? Can I just say sorry and move on?
Sorry for lack of posts. I’m about to go and pray (really - have had a terrible few days of ignoring God and am going to try and turn things around). We must NOT let Man Utd win the title tomorrow! I’ve a feeling we’ll push it to the wire. At least it’s away so they won’t be able to sing about winning the league at the Emirates for 20 years.
Looking forward to Eurovision tomorrow - one of my guilty pleasures. Just found out that Croatia got to the final, so it will be interesting to hear their song. I’m often not a fan of their song, but support them cos I’d love to attend a Eurovision Song Contest in Zagreb List of the finalists.
Also I’ve just started reading up on the Croatian mayoral elections, because I got a message on Facebook from some Dinamo Zagreb fans telling me to vote for Josip Kregar. I’m now getting a lecture on the situation from one of my friends. Apparently the current mayor, Milan Bandic, is corrupt, but has done a lot of people a favour by allowing illegally built houses in the suburbs to remain. Over 5-% of people are saying they would vote for him, whilst a large minority say they won’t vote, and two per cent say they will vote for anyone but him. Javno has lots of information on the subject - use the search button (I couldn’t find a category).
I haven’t written in ages. I had a good prayer time on Tuesday and found myself telling God that I did want to be like Him, and that I was going to try and live my life to serve other people, since I’m not very good at the spiritual side. I’m also trying to talk to Him instead of being afraid of Him and avoiding Him. Work has certainly improved as a direct result. I picked 230 items by 9.15 today! Thank you God! Please pray that I will continue to become a better Christian and not just fall away again.
I still haven’t found anywhere to watch Wisla v Legia on Sunday, although I am hoping that the Polski Bar Sportowa on Green Lanes will come through for me. Help! I need somewhere in London that I can get to by 1.45 (not too difficult as I think I can get into London by 1). I also need to get from there to Emirates Stadium in half an hour. Googling this didn’t help. The fourth result was my blog! Doesn’t anyone WANT to watch this game?!
Must go - my sister is starting to wander around looking bored, I took her computer away!
I asked both my parents who or what they thought the Torcida were.
Mum: “Tortillas with a ‘tsee’”.
Dad: “Manufacturers of evening suits.” (Tuxedo!)
The Torcida are, of course, not as good as the Bad Blue Boys… I mean they are the dedicated supporters of Hajduk Split. To my shame, I used to walk around with Torcida on my back:( I had a Hajduk T-shirt from about 2000 until last autumn when I got rid of it to Ivo. Zvone saved me from my terrible mistake! It was bought for me anyway, but I always erred on the side of Hajduk until I actually got to see Dinamo play, live, not playing Arsenal.
I am back from my holiday in Croatia. I didn’t get to go to Dinamo v Hajduk. I watched the Torcida throw paper on the pitch until the kickoff got delayed from the “safety” (I’m being sarcastic, we’d have been perfectly safe in Split but nobody agrees with me except Vedran so who cares?) of a bar in Pula. But did I have a fantastic time in Croatia anyway? Of course I did:D My friend Darren at work has a nice take on Hajduk’s 200,000 kuna fine for throwing paper on the pitch:
“It’s a bit harsh. I mean, if Southampton got fined every time there was rubbish on the pitch, they’d be broke!”
A bit harsh on Southampton who have won their last 3 games but a good shout nonetheless. I am wondering what has happened to the Jenni who would have agreed with Darren, the “Chairman of GRODD - Fighting for the Future of Football” Jenni. GRODD is the name of a supervillain according to Google - Gorilla Grodd - and also there’s a composer called Uwe Grodd, but it’s also the name of a football action group I formed and ran while at secondary school and the beginning of college. We started off complaining about referees and the FA cracking down on anything exciting that might happen at a football match, before moving on to become more of a supporters’ advocacy group, campaigning against pay per view football and stuff like that. I think deep down I do agree that you should be able to get away with stuff like that, because it was exciting and I don’t want to be conservative in any way (even if I might accept these days that you have to be sometimes). I still rail against any kind of stuffy Daily Mail reader attitudes from deep down. I need to watch myself for signs of becoming old and middle class, and equally, for signs of becoming so rebellious that I ignore God, other important stuff, right and wrong, etc.
Speaking of God, I went to church on Sunday and came away feeling that I had never been saved before, for the hundredth time. I realised tday that I need to reconcile how I respond to God on Sundays with how it works during the week. I don’t know if this means being more humble (and a bit more scared and, apparently, odd) during the week, or more relaxed on Sundays. Bit of both, maybe? I need to sort it out inside. I don’t really get the personal relationship with God stuff. Usually, at least once a week, I think God is telling me to do something, and it usually leasds to me feling negative about myself. I’d appreciate prayer and support on this, if anyone is available, and I’m more than happy to pray for people in return. I don’t know if I can offer any advice in return, but I will pray first and see where the Holy Spirit leads me. After all, the Bible says not to worry what you will say, for God’s Spirit will speak into your heart. I hope that’s true in my case.
Here is an article which will make you laugh. And I have taken that picture for personal use (otherwise known as Facebook profile picture!). And here is an absolutely hysterically funny question. I’m glad I didn’t ask my parents this. Who knows what might have happened?
Right, I’m going to go now before I get square flatscreen eyes:)
Don’t know. I am so excited! I am heading to bed now as I have forgotten to make an important phone call and do some washing (uniform for work in 8 hours, for a start) but thought I would write a quick note.
Today my friend Dave has been here all day. We played Audiosurf to various amazing bands like Dragonforce, The Soviettes, Strung Out etc etc. If it was noisy, we played it. We also played a very weird classical song (Gaussian Blur, either 1 or 2, by Charlotte) and Dave stealthed it. He is a promising young Audiosurf player, for sure. We watched a load of crap on YouTube and, thanks to help from Tomasz, watched Lech Poznan draw 2-2 with Udinese in the UEFA Cup. It was an amazing game, played in a blizzard! Lech Poznan should probably have won, although Udinese dominated the second half, going 2-0 up before capitulating to some last minute pressure. However, they should have done better as they have been playing football for the last month or so, whilst Lech Poznan haven’t played in 2 months. This still hasn’t solved my Polish football dilemma, but I like the Lech Poznan fans - they were very vocal and demonstrative, in spite of the snow!
So today I have listened to the aforementioned bands as well as: Sum 41, Anti-Flag, The Epoxies, Alkaline Trio, The Descendents, Iron Maiden (thanks Ros!), Seryoga, Edo Maajka, Zhanna Friske, Authority Zero (just coming on now)… in fact, I’ve been a Caroline style musical dustbin. I’m also about to print the words to Vatreno Ludilo and CRAM THEM! I want to be able to sing it on karaoke by Saturday!
I feel very excited about life in general. I feel a bit bad cos I haven’t made much time for God today, but then I haven’t had much time. I have asked Him for help with important things - and I could writing this as important. I try not to write things I don’t think He would want me to write.
Anyways, I’m off now to do my essential tasks. Dave is picking me up before work tomorrow, but that means I have to be up even earlier than usual, but don’t have to cycle. I’m sure that will somehow make it easier to get up in the morning. Is that something to do with interdependence? I can’t seem to do anything under my own steam.
Bye guys, and if I don’t blog again before Croatia, have an amazing week or so and leave comments telling me what you want me to buy you! Love and hugs to everyone.
I am off to Croatia in just 3 days! The trouble is, the telly is full of stuff about plane crashes atm. I don’t like flying, so am a little bit scared. Please pray for me!
Speaking of which, a wonderful lady prayed for me in church the other day, and I have been a lot happier since. I am starting to enjoy changing my life with God’s help, even though it’s happening slowlt and I still get very translated. Hvala lijepa, Boze!
Here is a recipe Adrienne and I invented at uni. Caroline and I have now actually tried it!
Topless Gallas
Serves 3.
3 Gu chocolate pots
3 mugs of milk
1 red chilli, deseeded and chopped
3 shots Tia Maria
3 shots vodka
Warm the milk in a saucepan with the chilli. When it’s warmed throughout (about 5 minutes: don’t try to do it too fast or it’ll stick) microwave the chocolate pots for around 30 seconds to create a sauce, as per the packet instructions (you may need longer if your microwave is like ours). Pour this into the milk mixture. Remove from the heat and add the alcoholic beverages. Pour into three mugs and serve immediately!
Hope you enjoy that. I should probably go. There’s loads that I want to share. I don’t have all of it due to leaving my phone at home. Here’s a song I discovered I like.
And here’s a song I always knew I liked.
Check this out as well, it’s the same guy. He has his song in 30 different transliterations so you may need to search for Seryoga or Cepera.
And finally, I can’t do this as a poll cos I did a similar one recently which was very indecisively answered. But… who do u think I should side with in the infamous Wisla Krakow vs Legia Warsaw debate, and why? I need to know! Annoying Tomasz seems a good enough reason and Legia would serve that purpose, but I can’t support a team ONLY to wind my friend up and keep Archie happy.
Anyway, I think that’s it for now, although I know I’ve forgotten something important.
I joined this group on Facebook ages ago and now it’s made the Telegraph! I don’t send many emails though, so maybe I should send her my web history.
This is an article from Socialist Worker about why “British jobs for British workers” is not a good slogan. I assume that everyone who saw the BNP van driving around the unofficial strike knows perfectly well why it’s not a good slogan, but I’m glad there’s some intelligent reporting going on.
Anyway, my ego took a major boost today. I was going on about how Zvone has consigned me to travel to Split with 48 Croatian men, possibly because he loves me. Tomasz asked if I could handle it. I said “yes, but will THEY be able to handle it?” He then said, “You are strange, Jenni. You are a dangerous woman!” This was highly amsing because Ivo calls me a dangerous woman all the time.
Seriously, before I went to work today I was reading a bit in Proverbs about the dangers of adultery. I often pray, then open my Bible and read whatever’s there. It then crossed my mind at work that if anyone else (particularly cute, married people!) observed that I was a dangerous woman, there could be a problem. One hour later… I’m not too worried about it yet though; just enjoying the moment, trying (not very successully I might add) to avoid sexual fantasies, and making up my mind not to do anything with anyone I shouldn’t be doing it with, even if they do say “hhhh”. Of course, even thinking about it is adultery, according to Jesus, which I find really hard to remember and obey.
Trivia: Every day at work, I see this symbol. I thought the company might be Croatian, but no, according to Wikipedia, it is supposed to resemble a tablecloth and is part of a self help guide! How very strange.
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